Where were we?
What’s the last thing you heard?
Do you know how many times I have asked my best friend that question? I’m sure you know what I am talking about – dropped phone calls, interrupted conversations, or calls that end unannounced. You are on the phone telling someone all about something…dishing out all the details…just talking away, then all of a sudden the phone you are holding starts ringing. You pull it away from your ear to see the name of the person you thought you were talking to. If you are anything like me, you immediately answer and say, “What’s the last thing you heard?” There have been times when I was describing something, then paused, asked a question and realized there is no one there…the call must have ended…calling back only for it to go straight to voicemail. Yep – her phone went dead (if you only knew how long our conversations lasted, you would understand). No worries! I’ll just call back after I cook dinner. Then I get busy, get tired, get distracted and I end up not calling back that day, or the next, or the next. Before I know it, it has been several days, maybe even a week, but no matter what we will get back in touch and pick up right where we left off.
Well, you know, that happens in more ways than we realize and not just in phone calls – interruptions, distractions, life. Sometimes we “drop” things with full intentions of picking right back up where we left off. Sometimes we do, but sometimes it doesn’t happen – perhaps we are at fault, but maybe some things are just not meant to be picked back up.
I feel like I “dropped the call” on here. One minute we are having a virtual conversation, sharing stories and all of a sudden there was a “dead zone” – it all just stopped. Shortly after publishing my first entry, my first “conversation” if you will (you can find it here) I faced some ridicule and some not so nice feedback. Shame and embarrassment tried to come upon me, and I got discouraged. I shied away from writing and sharing and publishing. My mind began to believe the ridicule. Some asked if I really wanted to tell the world about my bad decisions. I heard that I should watch what I reveal about myself. Others said that everyone faces hardships, there is always someone who has it worse then you, the only reason you want to tell your stories is so people will feel bad for you. I heard things like “you shouldn’t write about losing Isaac – it is too hard for people to hear the details” or “people don’t want you to remind them what happened”…remind them, really?!?! I started to believe that no one wanted to hear how hard my life has been.
All of those things added up. Heck, I didn’t “drop the call”, my battery ran out and I failed to re-charge. Just like in our everyday life, I didn’t call right back. I got busy, got distracted, interrupted, lost my “charge” and just…well, I just let the conversation die.
About the time I decided I was ready to jump right back in, life happened…and the attacks began.